Forgive a cheating spouse
It is hard to forgive your cheating spouse. The basic probe is the trust has been broken. And it takes years to rebuild it. If it can be rebuilt at all.
The other problem is: the love often doesn’t break. It is still there. Love „bunches”. Love is resilient. Love can stand up to all kinds of abuse . it takes a lot to break love. But not trust. Trust is like glass and when you have a cheating spouse, it is like the glass has been broken. You cannot possibly just pick up the pieces of trust and put them back together again. It doesn’t work that way. Instead, you must start over. And it takes much more effort and dedication.
In the context of a cheating spouse, it often feels like we are leaving ourselves open for humiliation; as they are likely to repeat the offense. So on the one hand, we are afraid to be vulnerable – even to ourselves – but on the other hand, because the love is still there … we feel compelled to do something.
What usually happens is that we get caught in a tug of war between these two opposing forces: love and fear of vulnerability. We get caught in a trap – going back and forth between love and fear. And in the middle: the range, the helplessness, the separation, the hurt, the humiliation itself – in addition o the fear of humiliation.
It is also hard to forgive a cheating spouse because so few people understand what forgiveness really means. We have a tendency to believe that if we forgive the cheating spouse we are letting them off the hook and they will go back to their cheating ways. Even worse, maybe we will be in denial about it – or when – they do. We can also be afraid to forgive because of the fear that nothing will change.
Our love wants to forgive. But our FEARS say no. So what is the best thing to do?